LONELY...BUT HAPPY!~

Just one more afternoon,going by...I find myself alone at home...Weather was sunny,and suddenly it started raining.Today,i skipped Gym for first time.My muscles feel very tense and they hurt.Last Tuesday,at my breakdance class,i did the windmill for first time,to the sound of w-inds. songs!What an inspiration.However I didn't seem able to perform certain steps,and I got so frustrated,that I cried in front of my Sensei!This morning,i woke up very early,after having a dream with Ryuichi.The dream was beautiful,therefore,the reason as to why i couldn't sleep again!On the previous night,i've been watching the PV "You&I",so maybe that was the reason why i did dream about Ryu.I'm so hooked on this song,that i can't realy stop listening to it!When i woke up at 4.30 this morning,while i was still in bed,i grabbed my mobile phone and played the song on it!Sun was almost rising,and i got up,got myself a cup of coffee,and a shower,and went to the beach to watch the visual spectacle.It's indeed beautiful!A soft wind was blowing,and the sky got some kind of aquatic blue,purple and red colour,with the sun rising!The sea was calm.The far away horizon could be seen from where i was standing.Looking at the sky,suddenly i kinda had an optic illusion:It looked like Ryu's face was appearing in the sky,with a wonderful and mischievous smile.Smiling,with a tear rolling down my face,i decided to tweet to him,about what i was up to.Tears were not of sadness,but of a such a beautiful feeling,that i can't find the proper words to express it.How beautiful love is!How beautiful nature is!And it seems to be even more beautiful when we are in love,apparently!After sun rising,i went back home to have a proper breakfast:Milk,Corn Flakes,and two apples.Then,i went to visit my dearest owl,Blow-chan,which was snoozing after a long night awake.As the place where my owl is,is an animal sanctuary,better saying,a natural reserve,i also decided that after being with her,i should visit other animals.There,we can touch them,feed them,show them our love.However,i just had a realy awkward experience with a donkey to which i was feeding some grass.I was very innocently feeding the animal,when he suddenly responded sexually!I was not only scared,but also embarrassed!(laughing)...Still,it was a pleasant morning,being in contact with the animals and with my owl.I came back home for lunch,around 1.00 pm....I sitted in front of my computer to check on Ebay site,to see if the items of w-inds. that i ordered and paid for,were already shipped.Yes,they were!Yay!However i still have to wait for 10 days until they arrive through the post.The waiting feels like an eternity!Meanwhile,i just recorded the song "You&I" to a tape,using my Karaoke machine.In this way,i won't have to wait for the single to be released,and i can listen to it,everytime i feel like.This is saying,times and times and times and times again!!!And wow,it feels realy good!This song is so refreshing that i don't even think it is raining outside!and even though I am lonely at home,i don't feel that loneliness...I in fact feel that Keita,Ryuichi and Ryohei are just an heartbeat away from me...and i smile again!I feel them so close to me in this song...Those lyrics stike me straight in the heart!However,i have to say,the girls on the PV,oh they are so lucky!I know it's a selfish feeling,but i,at a certain point,felt kinda envious and jealous,specialy of the girls who were near Ryuichi!
Right now,evening is almost coming,and i still keep smiling and listening to Keita's voice.Wow,this melody lightens up my life so much!It feels like all my problems,sadness and burdens have gone forever!I'm lonely,but I'm happy!Of course,I would be much happier if i could have a friendship with Keita,and Ryohei...I don't actualy say Ryuichi,because i am in love with him!But then again,His friendship for me,would be priceless,and better friendship than nothing,instead!!!Sometimes,as people use to say,love can kill a friendship,and this is very much the truth.No one can ever have control over their own hearts,and love just happens.But i don't want to be too much.I love Ryu,with all my heart,and i don't want togive him a wrong idea of myself,by being excessive.My love was there in the past,is there in the present,and will always be there in the future.But then again,all things in excess,is the undoing of people,and it can damage friendships and our image forever.It's a dangerous path,indeed.Still,i can't lie.And i do not lie.I love Ryuichi.I'm in love with Ryuichi,and this is the truth,wether i like it or not.Now,the truth is that i realy like it,in fact!I love the fact that i love Ryuichi.I love every single thing in him.From looks to personality,his body,his voice,the way he moves,the way he talks,how he acts.Every little thing!My love for Ryu is sacred.And I realy can't be with any other guy,even if i wanted to.I want to keep myself.It doesn't realy matter hom many guys might want to be with me.The thing is,i don't want to be with them.My heart belongs to Ryu,and no one else.I know this might sound realy crazy,but it's just how i feel.Why should i be giving my body and heart to a guy whom i do not love?When we say the words I LOVE YOU,we must never lie.We must mean what we say.And i do mean it.It's true that there are some guys who wish to be with me,but then again,how many of these have Ryuichi's kind heart and personality?Well,none,to be honest!Why should i illude myself,when i know it's Ryu i want and love,and no one else?Just because i'm in love with Ryuichi,and he can't correspond me,it doesn't mean i will go with other guys,in order to forget my non-corresponded feeling.Love being true,there is loyalty.Even if that person do not correspond us.In that way,we love with dignity.For that person,and for ourselves.This is my motto~Love truly,with dignity.Better lonely,than being with the wrong person,for the wrong reasons.~It's a great blessing to be alive and being able to love Ryu.Only this alone,makes me happy.I don't intend to spoil this happiness by being with someone whom i do not love.Life itself,is too beautiful.Only us,ourselves have the power to make it the way we want it to be.Yes,I have dreams which keep me alive.These dreams are all about w-inds.,and Ryuichi.But then again,where there is a will,there is always a way.This sentence teaches us to always fight for our dreams,even when we think there is no hope.No.There is always hope,as long as you are alive.As long as you believe in things,you can make them happen.I can say,i am lonely...but i am happy!...Again,thanks to w-inds.-Keita,Ryohei,and very much specialy,Ryuichi!

I live,i love,i smile,i dream,I believe,I fight!Yes,I am happy!~

MY LOVE FOR RYUICHI...OHH,ENDLESS BEAUTIFUL THING!

Yes,this is the man I truly love!My dream,my heart,my soul,my all!His name is Ryuichi Ogata.One of the members of w-inds.!He does the chorus,rap/dance work in the band.In addiction,just like me,he is a nature's lover.Also like me,he loves Surfing,Motorbikes,and he doesn't go without his guitar!Kind,sweet,somewhat fiery,sensitive,sexual...This is Ryuichi.I still remember the evening i fell in love with him.How could i ever forget...?It happened the very same day i first looked at him.This happened in 2001,when w-inds. first debuted...I found them online by accident...Should i say this is an accidental love?Accidental,or not,it is surely a beautiful feeling,which changed my life for the best,making me smile through hardships in life.A feeling that made me survive through the worst events in my life,a feeling that gave me the strenght to fight,even when i thought i couldn't do it anymore.Today,Ryuichi,I love you even more and more.Ten years loving you,ten years of happiness,even when things never seemed to be favourable for me.It was on a stormy evening by the candle light that i saw you for first time.It was on that very same stormy evening by the candle light that i fell in love with you.When i first saw you,i just know that for first time,i felt my heart racing!I could only ask myself,who was that sweet boy dancing around,so cute?!Years went flying by,and there you are,a fully,graciously and gorgeous grow-up man,capable of conquering even the most of coldest hearts!Years went flying by,still my love for you was always the same,just growing stronger and stronger!In a way,I feel the world is much too big,and it makes it difficult for me to show myself to you,but then again,the day you favourited my tweet on twitter,i felt you were only a heartbeat away from me!I asked to a dear friend on Twitter to kindly retweet  and translate my tweet for you in japanese.@windstowords,is her username.She kindly did it.But as always,i never thought you would check it out!On a Tuesday evening,as i was coming back home from breakdance lesson,i received @windstowords tweet telling me:"@Natsumi_Ogata,Ryuichi has favourited your tweet!I almost had an heart attack!!!"
To be honest,I could not believe it immediately,as i feel it had to be a miracle for it to happen.But it realy was!I went off the gym's door,running like crazy,laughing and crying at the same time!My heart was beating out of control,and i had to sit down at the bus stop,because i felt like i was going to faint,or something like that!Such was my happiness,that when i arrived at home,i cried and cried and cried.Tears of pure joy!Still some days ago,I also adopted a beautiful owl,just like yours and i gave my owl the name Blow-chan,just like you did to yours.Yeterday evening,i was listening to your song "Sunshine in the Sky",when at the same time,a beautiful rainbow appeared in the sky!That made me cry!But things and surprises for you,don't stop here.I am now working on a song i composed specialy for you!The song is called "Ode 2 Ryuichi",and it is a rap song.I just did some work on it,on my keyboard,this morning.Also,in 3 weeks time,I will have a tattoo,with your name,and probably a drawing of your beautiful face.When i get it done,i will post it on twitter and share it with you!I obviously know that you don't know me,and of course you can't say i am different of the other fan girls you have.Naturally,I do understand that.But i wish i could do something that realy could prove to you that i am not like the others!But in such a big big world of fans,what more than words,can i show you,to touch your kind heart?You know,still a big coincidence it is,that on that day you favourited my tweet,I introduced w-inds. songs at my breakdance class!My teacher loved the songs,and also my colleagues loved them!It was so enjoyable to see them all dancing to w-inds. songs!I felt such a pride,i can't describe it in words!All in all,i don't know much...But this I know:One day,i will make my dream come true and fly to Japan with my sister Karen,who also loves Ryohei,and we will come to see you,Keita and Ryo LIVE.My sister,is also on Twitter,with the username @Rin_Chiba.I think if you could follow us,you would realy have a good laugh!Anyway,I want you to have the lyrics i composed for your song...Enjoy it!

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                                   "ODE 2 RYUICHI"

I looked out through the window,

My eyes looked blinded in sorrow.

It looked like outside I saw Ryuichi,

Then my heart tells me "There's still tomorrow!"

I saw Ryuichi,that wonder boy...

Sitting at the beach,I went to reflect.

About love...what is love?

Love is Ryuichi,that sexy boy...

Love is serious,Love is no toy.

Let's rap,people!Ryuichi is in the house!

Rap is the melody,which warms us in whole.

Ryuichi is the man of my dreams,

Ryuichi is my heart and soul!

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So,this are the lyrics i have written for you!now,i am looking forward to put the melody and lyrics all togheter!

Well,i suppose this is one more try to tell you how much you mean to me...You give colour to my life,you bring joy to my heart,you heal my soul...I wish i could speak japanese well.However,i feel that even if i did,i would never ever be able to find the right words to tell you how much i love you!I know that even if you read this,probably,you will never let me know...I guess i can only hope and dream,right?I wanted to give you Earth,Moon,and Sun...but the only things i have is my heart,my soul and these words....These three simple words: I LOVE YOU!

The feeling of being the only fan of w-inds. in UK...and in Portugal!!!

Well,where to start at?!I come from a strange tiny country at the ass of Europe called Portugal.However I've moved to UK,7 years ago...To start with,I never had a true sense of belonging,while being in Portugal,which might sound strange,specialy when being brought up by a traditional portuguese family.I have always loved Japan,since i was 3 years old,for a no specific reason.After all,if you ask me,a 3 year old child,doesn't have the concept of cultural differences,whatsoever.And even less so,in my case,when by that time,i have never been in contact with japanese people or culture.Yet,i loved it.No one ever knew how to explain this love and links with Japan,and neither do I.On 2001,on a rainy day,while still in Portugal,I was bored to death,and decided to switch on my computer,going thru Youtube,for no apparent reason.I was just killing time!Then,by accident,i have just seen a j-pop band names w-inds.!I decided to click on the video to listen to the song.And then...BANG!!!My eyes,went straight to a very handsome boy,with long hair!He was rapping and doing the chorus thing on the song.I immediately loved him,and i knew i would always love him,no matter what!I searched online then,and got his name:This so special boy`s name was Ryuichi!Ryuichi Ogata.For the first time,i felt like something crossed my heart instantly,as i looked in his eyes!I knew it was something beautiful...I cried!However,I also liked the vocalist,Keita Tachibana.His voice so clear and pure,one of the most amazing voices i have heard until then!The other boy,Ryohei Chiba,was amazing for the his way of dancing.That's how i came in contact with breakdance.I realy admired him for being able to dance the way he did,and i still do today!Since then,I have always followed Keita,Ryuichi and Ryohei,and stayed loyal to them,thru the years.Today,10 years after,i love them in the same way i loved them when i saw them for the very first time!It became an emotional tie,because i have seen these beautiful boys growing up into handsome,sexy and and gorgeous men!!!On 2004,after a sad and unsuccessful attempt to fly to Japan,I moved then to UK.Meanwhile,from 2001 to 2004,my mum who is openly racist,something of which i'm not proud of,made sure she would give me a real hard time,trying to do everything in her hands,to avoid me loving Ryuichi.I wasn't allowed to have his pictures with me,as she would go thru my things.If she would find something about w-inds. or any picture of Ryu,she would beat me up.Things couldn't be like this anymore,i thought to myself.So,with the help of one of my friend's mum,i bought my first CD of w-inds.,and kept it at her house.Everytime i finished school,i would go to her house to listen to it.I could finaly keep pictures of Ryu,safe at her house.My mum would ask me why i'd go so often to my friend's house,i would reply,i had a group school work to do!However,it was not only the thing of being a w-inds. fan,she was against.I couldn't obviously have any japanese friends.One day,thinking i couldn't take it anymore,i faced her.The result was terrifying.I ended up in hospital,being 1 week in Intensive Care,as the doctors didn't ever think i would survive.I was badly beaten up.After a week,i woke up in the Intensive Care Unit,with my friend by my side.I couldn't talk,as i was still having the tubes on me!I couldn't move out of that bed!I panicked,and with my hand i gave her a signal of wanting to write something.She brought me a paper and pen.My question was "Do you still have the w-inds. CD and the pictures of Ryuichi with you?Please tell me you do!"--Her answer was "Yes,don't you worry.Your things are safe.You now need to pull thru,and show your mum you are not that easy of being beaten!Come on!"--
I cried and thought I had to live for w-inds.,and even more so for Ryuichi.After all,i loved him,more than anything!but if i died,how could i be here to love him anymore?Two days after,my tubes were removed,and i felt a bit more free.Yet,i wouldn't be discharged from hospital,before 2 more weeks.When i came back home,little would i know,that i was due to go thru a new ordeal:My mum,had planned to marry me to a portuguese man,against my will!!!Without my consent!I didn't even know him!I said NO straighaway!How could i???I loved Ryuichi,I didn't know that portuguese man...(Besides,he was ugly as a bad Gremlin!),So,i would never do such a thing!In answer to my attitude,my mum said I should have died in Hospital.I laughed and felt sorry for her...In addiction to this,my brother,tired of seeing her mistreating me,asked me,if i wanted to live with him,sharing his house with me!In there,i'd have my freedom,and i could be myself!So,i said yes!This happened in 2004,when he then moved to UK.It was a scary experience to him,as he didn't speak English at all,so he asked me,if i could come to UK,to help him with the English!now,how could i refuse it?He has helped me,after all.So,now it was my time to pay him back!So,i did.In December,the 28th,2004,I flew to UK,North Wales.In my backpack,brought my personal belongings,Ryuichi's pictures,w-inds. CD,and a wounded and scarred heart,haunted by the bad memories that my mum left imprinted in me.But,there was no time for fear!Life was just beginning!And i didn't ever give up.At a certain point,my mum said:--"Now,you choose!It's me,or w-inds.,and Ryuichi!"--To which I answered her:--"Enough is enough,you won't hurt me anymore.I choose my love for Ryuichi!Goodbye!"--After this said,she did never talk to me again.But then again,why would i bother about it,when i almost got killed by the one who should have stood by me,instead?
It was then,that i got the idea of following Ryohei's path,learning breakdance.Keita would always inspire me to sing,and i won two Karaoke contests!As for Ryuichi,i started rapping straightaway,easily.It was and it is enjoyable.With this,came the idea of spreading w-inds. songs in UK.Something that is happening slowly!I started taking my CDs of w-inds. to nightclubs,Karaokes,and even to the breakdance classes!We are in UK,a country in which Rap,R'n'B,Hip Hop and Soul are widely loved.So!I took my chance!W-inds. songs were accepted by my breakdance mentor straightaway,and my mates in the class love the songs!They asked me for more information,somethng that i very gladly and proudly gave them!8 of them,already bought CDs of w-inds.!So this is promising!It's a great feeling to look around and see i am firstly the only w-inds. fan in UK.But it is even more of a pleasant feeling,knowing that i am spreading their songs and people are starting to accept them!I know w-inds. wish to be recognized internationally,and that's what i am trying to do,to make their wishes to come true.As a fan i always was,as a fan that i am,and will always be,i pray to God their dearest wishes will come true,and if i can help,i will make sure  this will happen.W-inds--Keita,Ryohei,and specialy,Ryuichi,changed my life forever,in the best way one can ever ask for!And for that,i will always stand by them,no matter what!KEITA,RYUICHI & RYOHEI....THANK YOU!!!I LOVE YOU ALL FOREVER!!!