LONELY...BUT HAPPY!~

Just one more afternoon,going by...I find myself alone at home...Weather was sunny,and suddenly it started raining.Today,i skipped Gym for first time.My muscles feel very tense and they hurt.Last Tuesday,at my breakdance class,i did the windmill for first time,to the sound of w-inds. songs!What an inspiration.However I didn't seem able to perform certain steps,and I got so frustrated,that I cried in front of my Sensei!This morning,i woke up very early,after having a dream with Ryuichi.The dream was beautiful,therefore,the reason as to why i couldn't sleep again!On the previous night,i've been watching the PV "You&I",so maybe that was the reason why i did dream about Ryu.I'm so hooked on this song,that i can't realy stop listening to it!When i woke up at 4.30 this morning,while i was still in bed,i grabbed my mobile phone and played the song on it!Sun was almost rising,and i got up,got myself a cup of coffee,and a shower,and went to the beach to watch the visual spectacle.It's indeed beautiful!A soft wind was blowing,and the sky got some kind of aquatic blue,purple and red colour,with the sun rising!The sea was calm.The far away horizon could be seen from where i was standing.Looking at the sky,suddenly i kinda had an optic illusion:It looked like Ryu's face was appearing in the sky,with a wonderful and mischievous smile.Smiling,with a tear rolling down my face,i decided to tweet to him,about what i was up to.Tears were not of sadness,but of a such a beautiful feeling,that i can't find the proper words to express it.How beautiful love is!How beautiful nature is!And it seems to be even more beautiful when we are in love,apparently!After sun rising,i went back home to have a proper breakfast:Milk,Corn Flakes,and two apples.Then,i went to visit my dearest owl,Blow-chan,which was snoozing after a long night awake.As the place where my owl is,is an animal sanctuary,better saying,a natural reserve,i also decided that after being with her,i should visit other animals.There,we can touch them,feed them,show them our love.However,i just had a realy awkward experience with a donkey to which i was feeding some grass.I was very innocently feeding the animal,when he suddenly responded sexually!I was not only scared,but also embarrassed!(laughing)...Still,it was a pleasant morning,being in contact with the animals and with my owl.I came back home for lunch,around 1.00 pm....I sitted in front of my computer to check on Ebay site,to see if the items of w-inds. that i ordered and paid for,were already shipped.Yes,they were!Yay!However i still have to wait for 10 days until they arrive through the post.The waiting feels like an eternity!Meanwhile,i just recorded the song "You&I" to a tape,using my Karaoke machine.In this way,i won't have to wait for the single to be released,and i can listen to it,everytime i feel like.This is saying,times and times and times and times again!!!And wow,it feels realy good!This song is so refreshing that i don't even think it is raining outside!and even though I am lonely at home,i don't feel that loneliness...I in fact feel that Keita,Ryuichi and Ryohei are just an heartbeat away from me...and i smile again!I feel them so close to me in this song...Those lyrics stike me straight in the heart!However,i have to say,the girls on the PV,oh they are so lucky!I know it's a selfish feeling,but i,at a certain point,felt kinda envious and jealous,specialy of the girls who were near Ryuichi!
Right now,evening is almost coming,and i still keep smiling and listening to Keita's voice.Wow,this melody lightens up my life so much!It feels like all my problems,sadness and burdens have gone forever!I'm lonely,but I'm happy!Of course,I would be much happier if i could have a friendship with Keita,and Ryohei...I don't actualy say Ryuichi,because i am in love with him!But then again,His friendship for me,would be priceless,and better friendship than nothing,instead!!!Sometimes,as people use to say,love can kill a friendship,and this is very much the truth.No one can ever have control over their own hearts,and love just happens.But i don't want to be too much.I love Ryu,with all my heart,and i don't want togive him a wrong idea of myself,by being excessive.My love was there in the past,is there in the present,and will always be there in the future.But then again,all things in excess,is the undoing of people,and it can damage friendships and our image forever.It's a dangerous path,indeed.Still,i can't lie.And i do not lie.I love Ryuichi.I'm in love with Ryuichi,and this is the truth,wether i like it or not.Now,the truth is that i realy like it,in fact!I love the fact that i love Ryuichi.I love every single thing in him.From looks to personality,his body,his voice,the way he moves,the way he talks,how he acts.Every little thing!My love for Ryu is sacred.And I realy can't be with any other guy,even if i wanted to.I want to keep myself.It doesn't realy matter hom many guys might want to be with me.The thing is,i don't want to be with them.My heart belongs to Ryu,and no one else.I know this might sound realy crazy,but it's just how i feel.Why should i be giving my body and heart to a guy whom i do not love?When we say the words I LOVE YOU,we must never lie.We must mean what we say.And i do mean it.It's true that there are some guys who wish to be with me,but then again,how many of these have Ryuichi's kind heart and personality?Well,none,to be honest!Why should i illude myself,when i know it's Ryu i want and love,and no one else?Just because i'm in love with Ryuichi,and he can't correspond me,it doesn't mean i will go with other guys,in order to forget my non-corresponded feeling.Love being true,there is loyalty.Even if that person do not correspond us.In that way,we love with dignity.For that person,and for ourselves.This is my motto~Love truly,with dignity.Better lonely,than being with the wrong person,for the wrong reasons.~It's a great blessing to be alive and being able to love Ryu.Only this alone,makes me happy.I don't intend to spoil this happiness by being with someone whom i do not love.Life itself,is too beautiful.Only us,ourselves have the power to make it the way we want it to be.Yes,I have dreams which keep me alive.These dreams are all about w-inds.,and Ryuichi.But then again,where there is a will,there is always a way.This sentence teaches us to always fight for our dreams,even when we think there is no hope.No.There is always hope,as long as you are alive.As long as you believe in things,you can make them happen.I can say,i am lonely...but i am happy!...Again,thanks to w-inds.-Keita,Ryohei,and very much specialy,Ryuichi!

I live,i love,i smile,i dream,I believe,I fight!Yes,I am happy!~