LOVE SICKNESS...~OHHHH,RYUICHI!!!!!~

Uhhh,I'm feeling sick today...~I'm not feeling realy well.~It's called love sickness...Oh,God help me!It's all because of you,Ryu...But i love you even more and more and more!Sun and moon can stop shinning,and stars fall off the skies,but my love for you,will never ever end!~~I wish I was now in Japan,even though i know it wouldn't change a single thing!~~I should love Ryuichi Ogata of w-inds.,not Ryuichi Ogata,the MAN.But I love both,and i can't help it!~~~I knew everything about you...!But how could i not imagine that the inevitable would happen?Having a gf.
And so suddenly,felt like it was the end of a beautiful dream...My heart was pierced.And although it hurts unbearably,it's still bleeding love.This wild love,protective and tender love,at the same time,which knows no end!This is my destiny.To love and not be loved.This my destiny,to be alone,because i've chosen it to be this way.Because of you,I am who i am,i have love in my heart.I believed,I dreamt,I smiled.And fact is,even though you were always far away,you did never let me shed a sad tear for you.All the tears i've ever cried for you,were of happiness.Yes,of happiness!Now,a heart which one day was singing its love for you,cries in pain for the first time.Pain,and sadness,for not having been there for you,near you...Although I tried to express my truest feeling and inner heart to you,And even though you probably got to know who i was somehow,for you,i was always and forever,innevitabily a crazy fan like many others you have.But then again,i cannot blame you,as you didn't ever get the chance of knowing me closer.It was not your fault.I should have grabbed my things,and fly to Japan,at the very first day i saw you.I should have fought for my love and my dream,even if it seemed impossible.But well,at least,i could say,"I tried!".Sadly,this was not the case,and now,I cry with a shattered heart.Hopes & dreams can become true,but they can also vanish in the wind,just like a twinkle of an eye.Love is cruel,life is cruel.Just like you said once: "Life's a bitch,then you die.".It's very much like it.Unbelievably,I've been loving you dearly & madly for all these long 10 years.If you ask me,I have no regrets.I would have done the same things all over and over again,if i had to.You were always my "Sunshine in the Sky".You still are and you will always be.Still,I don't know why,I will never ever give up on you,and my love for you is immortal.It's true that I'm feeling so miserable today...in fact,broken-hearted.But,as i have always said,love is acceptance,and resilience.I always said,that no matter what you would do,i would always love you and respect your decisions.NOW,is the time to prove it.Even though my heart is bleeding,it will always accept you and love you,no matter what you do.I am here,still,and i will always be here to support you.Being this in your career or in your private life and choices.I am here,my baby...as i have always been!My pain is my trophy,because it shows my love for you!My life is yours,and so is my heart and my soul.I know it's not much,but it's realy all I have!What can i say more that you already haven't heard...?what can i say more to take your heart away...?However,I just want to see you happy and smiling,so that i can keep smiling.The deal is:You smile,I smile!You cry,I cry!So,keep yourself happy,because i don't want to be sad and crying.Whatever you do,whatever your choices are,just smile!Because,baby,even worse than the pain of seeing you with somebody else,would be myself knowing that you could  possibly be suffering.Because you are my all.You will always be my all.Life without you,is not life.there is no colour,there is no love,there is no joy!I don't have many more words...Just my feelings to share with you.My love,my heart,my soul...Hear me out...Hear me out...Just hear the sad words of a sad fan and woman who would give her life to defend you.A woman who would give her life for you!...When i say the words I LOVE YOU,I mean what i say.I don't mess with people's feelings.And even less so,with your feelings...I LOVE YOU,from the bottom of my heart...I LOVE YOU,RYUICHI!!!~

A THOUGHT TO RYUICHI!

One more night skipping sleep...I get out of my bed and make myself a coffee...My heart feelz lonely!I get myself dressed and go walking at the beach!What moments ago was the moon,iz now disappearing,giving place to the beautiful rising sun.Even the sea seems to whisper you name to me!Sun is finaly rising...Shinning so bright in the sky,it has your sparkling and stunning beauty...Walking in the sand,I leave footprints.Sitting in the sand,i write your beautiful name in it,inside a big heart.The winds gently blows,i can almost feel your breathe on my skin.I shed a tear.A tear of joy for being alive to love you,a tear of loneliness for not having you by my side,a tear of sadness for the distance between us!I remember so suddenly...how ten years ago,i blindly fell in love with you!So crazy,i know!On a stormy night,I saw you for the first time,i fell in love with you,by the candle light!In my craziest and wildest dreams,i somehow always feel we are meant to belong to each other!Today,after 10 years,i love you even more and more...i sit in a corner of my bedroom,looking at your photo,my heart beats fast,my dreams run wild.My emotions speak louder again!Would i ever be able to hide this feeling?Would i ever be able to hide this love?No,I don't want to.I would never be able to do it.Sitted in a corned of my bedroom,I am listening to your songs...Oh,your beautiful voice again,soothing my troubled and rebel soul!I shed a tear of love and tenderly smile.Your beautiful voice again healing my heart!Memories come back so suddenly to my mind,of such a distant time,where I had to choose between you and my family!But what a great freedom has my choice given me,back then,when i chose you!Getting rid of a violent and racist mum,and choosing to love you!It's true that,then, i left behind so much pain,and finaly would start a new chapter of my existence!I saw you in eveything i would do,and today i still do.You kept me going on.You gave me strenght,you gave me that peace i was so much searching for!And all this,you did,even though you were not present here,by my side!This is your true power!Yes,i faced fear,i faced pain,i faced loneliness...so many hardships...But if you ever ask me why i did this,and if i would do it again...My answer to you is:"I did it for the love i feel for you!And yes,If i had to go back...I would have made exactly the same choice.I would always choose to love you,regardless of what i might be able to lose in my life!".Today,i walk my own path alone...But better alone than with certain kind of people near me.However,not everything is fear,pain and tears.You are my perpetual smile,even when i cry.You are my strenght and voice when my heart is wounded,and i can't speak out!You are my courage,when i am feeling weak.You are my inspiration to keep moving forward and fight for my dreams!It's amazing the way a human being can inspire another,without even be near...Even in this distance,you saved me from others...and even from myself!You inspired me to use my talents.Nowadays,i'm writting rap lyrics and playing various musical instruments.I don't simply exist,I live,thanks to you!I am just another fan among all the hundreds of fans you have.I do understand that,eventualy,it is difficult to tell the difference between me and all the others,as we all say we love you.I do understand you might think i am just another crazy fan girl.But let's just put aside the fact of you being a singer,dancer or being with w-inds:What do girls will see?Lots go for fame...lots go for looks...lots go just for your sense of  humour...lots go for you,because...they just feel like it!Well,ask me and i will tell you!I see YOU.Not the singer,not the famous funny guy,not the cheeky,hyper,mischievous cute boy...Not the rapper,not the dancer...I see YOU in a whole as a man you realy are.I recognize your amazing talents and cheer for you,i support you in every feeling and decision you might make,and i fight with all my strenght to get to grant your wish of being recognized on an international level,as you deserve.I see YOU,as a human being,as you are,not a star...It's good to be a star and get recognition for it,but true love doesn't come through fame.True love is when we know we would that person until our last breath,regardles of what she/he could be or become.Love is not status.Love doesn't know races,languages,circumstances,whatever...Love just happens,and when it does,it's in his purest form of understanding,and acceptance.I love you,not because you are a w-inds. member,but because you are YOURSELF.I see the spiritual,sweet,sensitive and caring Ryuichi,not the famous singer,dance and rapper Ryuichi.I look in your eyes,and i feel there's' so much more to you than we all can just actualy see!It's true that you are blessed with talent and such a beauty which i have never seen before my eyes,but your real and true beauty is realy inside you,the one i can also feel and see.You are beauty in your essence.What more can i tell you,to convince you that my love for you is more than just fan love...?I just don't want to be repeating words that you've been listening from others for so long time...You know,it's difficult to open our hearts to someone genuinely without beeing misunderstood sometimes...And this is the first time i am realy opening my heart to someone,in 30 years of my life!And now!Now you know me!You got me on Twitter!!!!And favourited one of my tweets!Something i thought to be impossible!Now,i do believe in miracles!Nothing happens for no reason.I still believe this didn't happen without a reason,even though we are still so distant from each other.Even though there is that distance,my love for you was always there,is always ther,and will always be there!And this is me for you!Loving you is the easiest thing in the world...But living without you,is the hardest!Still my dream,and my love survive.Still my heart beats fast everytime i think of you...Even in the middle of chaos,with you,I've learned there is still tomorrow!Your eyes tell me never to give up.And i don't.I live for you and for me!I live for this love,until my last breath...I love you so much...more than anyone will ever know!